I recently started reading The Ritual Effect: From Habit to Ritual, Harness the Surprising Power of Everyday Actions by Michael Norton as my morning ‘learn something’ book. While I have only read the first chapter, it got me thinking about what rituals exist in my life/family.
Rituals are different from habits in that rituals encompass the ‘why’ of the actions, while habits are the ‘how’. They seem very similar at first until you dig a little deeper. Rituals tend to have an order and things feel ‘off’ when done incorrectly. We tend to think of rituals in the realm of religion or spirituality, but they are in our everyday lives too.
Some of the specifics in our rituals have changed as the boys change and grow, but I find the general shape of the ritual remains.
Morning
I tend to call my morning reading a habit, but after reading the chapter I have, I think it is truly more of a morning ritual.
When at home, it starts as soon as I get out of bed (the steps differ slightly when we travel). I immediately get coffee, even though I have to set it aside while I feed the dogs. Once they are fed and somewhat settled, I grab my coffee again and head for my reading chair. In the warmer months, my chair is outside by the pool. When the mornings get too cold, I am inside in my cozy recliner. Either way, I don’t start reading immediately. First comes Strands, Connections, and Wordle. After I play all my games and send to my mom and brother, I pull out my book. I read for around 30 minutes, depending on where the chapter ends.
My day doesn’t feel right, but I can function in my day if I miss my routine/ritual. I constantly feel like I am forgetting something or am running behind.
Other routines I would now consider rituals are:
Family Dinners
While this one has changed as the boys have gotten older, it is still an important part of our family. The most important item in this ritual is that everyone eats together at the table. Even when it is just Jason and I, or if only one of the boys is home, we always sit at the table to eat dinner.
This ritual began when the boys were still in elementary school. I don’t remember ever insisting that we eat that way, it just kind of worked out that way. Now it is how we do things.
Different seasons have made us adjust things. We weren’t able to eat at home every night due to baseball and other activities, but on the evenings that we did, we sat together to eat. It doesn’t even matter if it is a home-cooked meal. We eat together for takeout as well.
It is one of my most cherished rituals and one that I’m glad we are still doing, even with girlfriends and erratic schedules. It is also one that I don’t have any pictures of! Instead of being bummed by that, I am choosing to be happy that we were present enough to not need a picture.
Holidays
Christmas
The holidays are rife with rituals/traditions and we have our fair share and are probably not much different from a lot of others. There is one for putting up the Christmas tree: it happens on the day after Thanksgiving, mulled wine simmers on the stove, everyone adds their ornaments to the tree, Christmas music plays (which must include A Christmas Together from John Denver and the Muppets), and there is a fire (if it is cold enough, if not we cue one up on the TV).
Sometimes it takes messing up some rituals to realize that there is one there in the first place. We like to drive around and look at Christmas lights on Christmas Eve. Starbucks is hit to get hot chocolate. While the lights we see have changed, there are some we always go to. When we get home, we watch a Christmas movie. One year, Jalyn made a comment about always watching Elf after lights. The rest of us hadn’t put it together that Elf was usually the movie we ended up watching. For Jalyn, it was an integral part of the ritual, but not as much for the rest of us. Since that conversation, Elf is cemented as THE movie we watch.
Christmas Candy
A ritual that started with me and my mom, transitioned to me and Cole, then made it’s way back to me and my mom (with Cole as much as possible) is making Christmas candy. There is something about the smell of butter and sugar boiling in a pan that reminds me of Christmas. We always make the same candy – fudge, peanut patties, peanut brittle, peanut butter balls, and almond bark pretzels. We usually will try something new too, like saltine cracker toffee, Christmas puppy chow, or a cookie recipe. While we wait for candy to cool, there is always a puzzle in the works. It has transformed a bit into a time where my mom, brother, and I take the weekend to hang out, work puzzles, watch Christmas movies, and make candy. The Christmas season is in full swing once candy is made.
Labor Day
Our Labor Day at the beach in Port Aransas also has its rituals. On the way in, we take the ferry. It usually takes longer and we hardly ever see dolphins, but it is how we start the weekend. After we get everything unloaded at the condo, we find food. Saturday is for the beach. Saturday night we order pizza, celebrate Cole’s birthday, and play games. Sunday is a bit more flexible. I tend to stay on the beach, but it is the day some go into Port Aransas for lunch and shopping. We usually make dinner on Sunday night and go to bed early to get ready for the drive home on Monday.
Solstice
I’ve been aware of solstice and the rituals that surround them but have only recently started taking part in them. In gatherings hosted by a dear friend, we’ve participated in meditations, made intentions, created ornaments with nature items, drank sun water, and welcomed the change of the seasons. They’ve been such great ways to mark the year and I feel lucky to be a part of the group of women that celebrate them.
Bathtime
Another event that I now consider a ritual would be my baths. It is a simple one, but I think that is what makes it so relaxing. The only components are water that is just almost too hot, some bubblebath, a candle, and a book. I have to make time for baths since they tend to get pushed aside. I always feel so much better afterward.
There are rituals in the past that we’ve grown out of and others that may be getting started now. I look forward to reading more of the book to find out the benefits of rituals and how to be mindful about creating them.
This is so thoughtful & inspiring! I’m going to start reading that book asap!